


A Wizard, a Mage, and a Witch Walk Into a Bar...

by urisarang



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Characters play D&D, Established Relationship, Hero Quentin Beck, M/M, Ned POV, Not Serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:22:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urisarang/pseuds/urisarang
Summary: Ned is shocked when Peter some how manages to talk some of the Avengers into playing D&D with them, but getting them to play as group is more like herding cats.  For Heroes that are universally famous for working as a team in the real world they are surprisingly bad at it as a D&D group.





	A Wizard, a Mage, and a Witch Walk Into a Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> Had a stray thought of this in my Champion of Gaea story but don't see myself being able to work it in so have a far future lil one shot cause I like the premise xD

When Ned had offhandedly remarked on how funny/awesome it would be if they could get some of the Avengers to play themselves in D&D he never expected anything of it. Of course he should have taken into account the Peter factor. Ned isn't sure what it is about his friend that many of the Avengers are so weak to, but he can usually talk them into the strangest things. 

Speaking of Strange, the real life Sorcerer Supreme is turning out to be a real stick in the mud. Ironically he is the only one out of the three Avengers Peter talked into this who has had experience with playing D&D before. Too bad he's old so he's only played older versions, a fact that he seems to take personal enjoyment of pointing out whenever possible.

"Well in 3.5. . ."

"This is too dumbed-down, real D&D had math and complex rules for a complex game. It required intelligence, and careful study of the rules, now just any random person can play. . ."

For all his talk of rules the wizard sure did enjoy breaking the spirit of said rules with his unending min/maxing. Not to mention getting caught fudging his rolls.

"That is the third 20 in a row, and don't even get me started on your stats. Half the fun of D&D is the chance that no matter what you do something can go wrong, or when you are facing insurmountable odds luck can be on your side and turn the tide of battle. Why bother playing at all if you're going to be like this?" Ned demands and the real life wizard actually looks cowed and bows his head in shame.

Wow, what even is his life right now?

Next on the list of problem PCs is Wanda. She's never played D&D before but damn can she role play with the best of them. Ned had unlocked her tragic back story at some point and found out her and her late brother didn't have much else to do but make up stories while they were growing up under Hydra's thumb. Rough.

Now, don't get Ned wrong, as a DM he can really appreciate when someone gets into their characters but Wanda takes it to the extreme. It's a struggle to write the story in a way that her character won't turn around and mess it up. 

It's not like she's purposefully trying to make Ned's life difficult, but she is constantly going against the grain with her emo, paranoid wild mage character. She wrote 15 page of back story on this character.

15\. Damn. Pages. That's more than what Ned wrote for the entire first meet. Which okay, that's pretty awesome but she's always pulling Ned aside to ask about how things are progressing with her back story, worrying that the secret wild mage coven will get her. ect ect.

Which would be great if he could work it in with the others but Strange and Peter didn't even bother writing back story, Quentin tried but didn't really understand the concept. He wrote about himself, as if Ned (and the rest the world) didn't already know. At least he changed his deity's name to Chauntea, even if that was the closest one he could find to Gaea.

Quentin Beck, dubbed Mysterio by the world after the battle for the Gauntlet part 2, before anyone knew who he was. His superhero name is a sort of running joke now, as he's one of the most well known superheroes. 

The guy has nothing to hide, has been on more talk shows than the rest of the Avengers combined and the media loves him. Which, to be fair, the guy is awesome. It's hard to believe a guy like him can be real, he's just so damn good and kind. 

It's too bad he's literally from another universe cause he struggles with a lot of basic concepts that Ned takes for granted. The entire concept of D&D baffled him at first, apparently they didn't have fantasy role playing games back on his planet.

Those poor people.

They had real life proof of magic and a goddess in their every day lives so Ned guesses it makes sense. Still sad though.

Quentin had rolled a cleric, which is good cause the party needed a healer. The only problem? He ended up wasting-

"It's never a waste to help someone in need."

-Spending his spell slots healing random NPCs in every town, village, and city they come across. Without fail he will split the party to go wandering off to look for people to heal with Peter's monk character tagging along without fail. 

Never split the party, it's like rule # 1 of D&D. It slows down the meet having to switch between people, it hinders the main quest when everyone is doing their own thing, and it forces the already overworked DM to pull crap out of his ass he hadn't planned on.

Peter knows all of this, it ain't his first rodeo after all. They have played D&D online with people on and off for years and normally when Ned is the DM Peter is the one PC he can usually count on to help wrangle the others to get back on track. That's probably why his behavior bothers Ned the most.

It's not like Peter is disruptive, it's that he's so easily distracted. Him and Quentin have been together for a while now, but they are still acting him Ned had with Betty that one fateful week in Europe. Young love and all that, Ned gets it, he really does. 

But frankly? Even he gets a little nauseated with all the heart eyes those two give each other. It feels like every 10 minutes he's having to repeat himself cause Peter gets lost staring into Quentin's dreamy blue eyes(okay they are mesmerizing but come on dude!). At least they keep the PDAs to a bare minimum. 

Thank goodness for small mercies cause Ned doesn't think he could handle watching his best friend have a make out session during their D&D session. Not that he hasn't accidentally walked into them in compromising positions in the past but Quentin's gentlemanly nature keeps their behavior strictly PG in public.

Over the course of the first month of meets Ned has complained to fellow DMs online about his players. Some days he wants to strangle them but after they *finally* manage to complete the first leg of the over arching story Ned had written for them Ned remembers why he does it. 

Their faces are full of genuine excitement as the battle was being waged, which quickly turned to surprise at the sudden twist Ned threw at them. They talked excitedly theorizing amongst each other about the clues left in the necromancer's journal for long hours after combat was over. They didn't even squabble over the loot, instead making sure each person got their fair share.

This is the stuff that DMs live for. Making a world, writing a story for their players and taking them on a journey that will change them and the world around them as they make their choices. As Ned looks around at his PCs he thinks they have the stuff to make a good group once they get settled and comfortable with it and one another.

Besides, it could be worse. At least they aren't murderhobos.


End file.
